Love at Last Sight.

I know I’m just 17, and not even an adult according to the Constitution of India. But being very honest here, don’t I have feelings, motives, and wishes, like others? So please don’t judge me on what I’m going to write after this.

NOTE: All the people reading this are requested to be young adults. (It’s freaking embarrassing to let out my lovey-dovey feelings out here, seriously.) But just for the sake of it, just for the sake of saying something like “I’m letting my feelings out here” is why I am writing this.

 

I’ve dated about nine guys by now. Really, I can’t believe it myself. I know I’m just seventeen (Hey! No further elucidations, re-read the note above for any supplementary complications.) So yes, I’m tired of it now. The last year went by and I was practically in awe of a guy, who seems to be a gay to the rest of my friends, do I always fall for gays? But, no he’s not gay for sure. But now I certainly do NOT give a fuck to him anymore, I suppose he’s mad at me for something which I dunno what, dude we barely talk, what’s his problem? But I really don’t care to even ask him anything anymore. I’ve already done a lot of running & catching hold of him for every tiny thing. Done, really. Not only because of that assholery. Also because I’m so done with this dating thinge, man. I mean, how long now? I’ve dated nine guys and not one of them utterly loved me. No...Wait...one did… And yes, one more. But I certainly don’t care because I didn’t. I elect not to waste somebody’s passion, time, money or anything if I’m merely not fascinated or serious to how much they are towards me. And last year, I went through one of the utmost heart-breaching affairs of mine. There was this guy who seemed to be really interested in me, he made good friends too. We ended up dating, and he was cute and all (my set of friends found him gay too! Sheesh man!) but he broke my heart when he just broke up with me in a few days and he told people that I was after him and shit. Which I don’t know is true or not, actually, I don’t bloody seem to care. He also told people that he didn’t want to date anybody, than why did that stupid-asshole-retarded man date me at the first place? I was so freaking serious! (Oh Lord, I hope he injures his sex, really. He cannot have kids then!) But no, don’t do that Lord, I’m still “Friends” with him, well. Just for the sake of it. This another man, who was friends with me just because all this time he has just dreamt of making love to me i.e not in a decent way, he wanted to fuck me hard from a really long time. Since he was a good friend, I tried ignoring that shit, and I thought he might have forgotten all that. So a few weeks ago he told me that he had the ‘love’ feeling for me. It intrigued me, really. All because he had been a good friend and actually, a very good friend, and I once had feelings for him. That was a year ago, so all his friends told me that he seems to be in love with you, he talks about you all the time (in a good way, he’s not that pervert.) So I told him we could work out stuff, but since not all guys who’re perverts can actually find true love (Just like Christian Grey, in Fifty Shades Trilogy by E. L. James. Awh! I effing love that character) in a beautiful-down-to-earth-genuine-women (Like me, hey why Anastasia Steele? I was talking about me here. Though I love that character too.) But sadly, Mr Grey is a fictional character and not my life can be as amazing as a fictional novel, neither can a guy can be Christian, oh no. Happy realization to me.

Anyway, recently, I met this guy, he’s cute and tall and beautiful (Yes, I do call guys beautiful, it’s okay.) He’s fascinating and shit, he does give me hope. He’s a little shy of me too. Hahaha. The first time I saw him I was like, shit this guy shall be mine. BUT. (There’s always a but.) He’s going to go broad for further studies after the boards, what the hell. So end of the story. We’re just gonna be friends.

 

I’ve decided after all this shit that I’m just going to sit back and watch people get their loved ones & wait for mine to come my way. No, I’m not one of those who’d actually sit back and do that.  All I mean is I’m going to wait for a guy for who I can crawl on broken pieces of glasses for, for somebody I can do anything, give away whatever. I’ll wait for that strong feeling to come in my heart. I’ll wait for that guy, who come in front of me and my heart explodes into my mouth. Yes, that man.

Twitching Palms.

We all have tried to keep a diary and we all probably failed. Well, all the writers did, I dunno anybody who is successful at doing it. So I think I'm just going to write up everything here. All the drama, non-sense gossip, memorable laughter, jumpy, uneasy & tensed moments. Everything. 

So since I complain a lot, about everything. I'm NOT going to stop that, I'm going to do that here. No where else, cause not anybody in the world deserves to listen to my utter shit I face almost everyday. 

I've got so many things to confess up to myself, since I just can't face the damn shit anymore. I just don't agree with what I've been up to all this while, really. I've been falling, failing, hurting people, getting hurt, pushing people away, falling for a guy and thinking 'oh, this has to be the one..' and later I get this, 'no babe, not happening.', annoying my parents, letting them annoy me, not helping my brother grow up into one good human. Yes, all off it. I do get good things too but they are quite momentary to fill into the sad gauging phase I'm going through, well wait. The phase is : MY LIFE TILL NOW and it'll be the same forever. 

A lot of times I think I need to be positive about a lot of things but everything is so maddening that I almost skip that idea. Not even almost, completely. 

Having weird shit in my life like falling for a guy who's going to shift abroad for the rest of his life to calling everybody in my life 'Babe,' from my Dad to my neighbor's Tommy (their dog). 

I know we all face problems like that but it gets annoying at times. And I need to give it away, anyway.